melle-belle's Diaryland Diary

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purpose

Dear Isaac,

I had no idea when we decided to make you that your existence would make me feel complete. In fact, I abhorred the idea of needing a baby to feel complete. How pathetic, right? I read books about how to not allow a baby to take over and run the household. I thought I could formula feed easily if that's what we had to do. I thought we would cry-it-out. I thought a lot of things. I thought I was the adult and you were too tiny to make such a big impact. I expected your role in my life to be as small as your size.

Maybe if I were the writer I used to think I might be, or maybe if I were an artist, or a nurse or doctor, or someone that did anything for the betterment of mankind, I would have felt that I had a purpose already. But I was a person who did a job that was sometimes interesting and sometimes boring and sometimes unbearable in order to make money and march one foot in front of the other just staying alive.

But here you are. A tiny boy that has made such a big space for himself. I feel like I have a purpose now, one I didn't know I was missing. My purpose is to cherish you, to give you strength, to help you be happy, to facilitate your dreams. I may not change the world with anything I do, but I am changing you.

I love you, baby bird.

Mama

1:37 p.m. - 2014-05-03

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