melle-belle's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just saw a picture that make me weak in the knees I went looking for a painful, masochistic reaction, and still I was not prepared for the involuntary response to this one particular picture whose existence had been entirely forgotten. You. Goofy, beautiful, suntanned, smirking you. Most anyone could have told me this two years ago but I would not have listened: it appears that I never took the time to get over you. I drank a lot instead. I slept with other people instead. And now that you are marrying someone else, it appears that I now have to take the time to do that. How? From the moment I loved you and you loved me back, I never prepared for the act of letting you go. And something beyond simply wanting it has to occur, because I want it. And it has not happened. In the months since I've learned this news, I've conducted experiments in self-torture using pictures, letters, notes you left on my car. If I had a recording of your voice, I would surely have considered slitting my wrists while it played on a loop. Your laugh; I would burst into tears. I cannot start a new journal every two years to reconstruct the loop of talking about, talking to and reconciling my obsession with you. 7:45 p.m. - 2008-05-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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