melle-belle's Diaryland Diary

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you

I'm delighted that I am still able to have a crush like my crush on you. It gets harder and harder every year --- to just let yourself go. To idealize, believe in --- anyone. You are my silver lining, and you don't nearly deserve that.

At the moment, I am pleased that your not emailing me back didn't send me into a comatose tailspin. It gets easier and easier every year --- to distance myself, to not believe in --- anyone. You are just a boy, a flawed one at that.

To a slightly sickening degree, I want to love someone with my whole being and I want to toss my hat in the ring and try --- despite the stacked deck. Self-defense mechanisms work at odds with the preferred goal, but seriously, I can't fall apart over every single "you."

10:24 p.m. - 2008-10-23

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