melle-belle's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So here's how it's going to go. You are the universe, and I am going to scream into you. Or just talk. Type a bit, really. Someone that these fingers once christened Adorable called today. I chuckled and told him, "It's okay. I'm quite content being average." Once that was not the case. Furthermore, I would venture to say that once I was not average. I was quite the star at the things I allowed myself to try. But I was weak, and I was vindictive. The mother was abashed at ambition and I folded in upon myself finally tired of all the work for nothing but insults. The father so unforgiving of imperfection and I lashed back. When we do these things, we only hurt ourselves. Unless we truly are quite content to be average. I grow older. I'm not actually what one would call old, so forget it. Cross that. I'll find another topic. Him. It's as if I want to see what I can do to make him stop loving me, which seemed so impossible, and finally I am starting to succeed. I felt a jab of panic on the walk home from work, as I realized it. I do not want this person to hate me - ever. He can stop loving me anytime; I'm quite ready for that. Unfortunately, the two things do not seem mutually exclusive. The supposed love of my life. Yuck. Apparently, he has become a Mormon. Apparently, he is marrying a GIRL five years younger than me. FIFTEEN years younger than him. Disgusting, truly. And to top it off, it's as if he's pissed on my memories of our whole transaction. All those pictures- all those (lord help me) poems- reek now. The melodramatic lines I uttered under my breath in the shower over you! 7:44 p.m. - 2008-03-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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